The New Year

In just a few hours we will be starting our first year without Josh. I'm not looking forward to it. Josh brought a lot of joy and good to the world just by his being in it. Josh was truly one of the very good people in this world. I know we all miss him terribly.

I suggest that we, Josh's friends and family, have a responsibility to the world now. We have to try and take Josh's place in being agents for good. It will be tough. It's the very rare person who could be like Josh. But there are a lot of Josh's friends and family out there. And if each of us just does a little more to be kind, help people, and take responsibility for our surroundings, perhaps we can make a little dent in this messed up world.

Just like Josh did.

I hope that the coming year is a better one, and that the pain of losing Josh wanes a bit for all of us.

And if you find yourself unsure of what to do at any point during the coming year, just ask yourself, "What would Josh do?"

Love and best wishes to you all.

A little more about Josh's painting...

I was there on and off while Josh was painting the minis in Swine's post below. I wish i could remember more about when Josh painted them. Every time Josh and I - and sometimes our friends Ed and Trevor - got together to paint it was a really good time.

Myself and Ed at first were the ones who taught Josh how to paint. I remember it started when Swine and Josh came over with a handful of minis as props for a game we were playing that day. They had painted a few, and a few were in various states of being painted, but most weren't painted yet. (At least that's how i remember it. Swine may have to chime in and correct me.) Even then i noticed Josh - and Swine - had a good eye for picking interesting sculpts. I mentioned that i painted minis as well, and Josh being the caring and interested person he was, asked to see some of mine. They were impressed with with what i had done and asked me how i did what i did. I explained to them my technique and how easy it was to do, and said i'd be willing to show them some time.

Sometime after that Josh and i started to paint together. Josh learned my technique and saw that it was indeed relatively easy to learn and a good way to make minis look good. And Josh, being the avid hobbyist he was, in just a couple of years became a much better painter than i. I loved that about Josh. That when he became interested in something, he put his heart and soul into it. Whether, it was acting, stage craft, photography, painting, or games, he gave it everything he had. And as far as i can tell, never failed.

I remember one time Josh, Ed, and i had an emergency painting session. Ed works at a local hobby store in PDX and had promised to paint an army of miniatures for one of the games the store sold. They had to be done by a certain day though, and Ed had been busy with his other job as well. He asked Josh and i to help him paint this army in one night before it had to be back at the hobby store. We all met at Josh's around 8 pm that night and painted until 5 am the next morning. Each of us worked on almost every mini together. Me dry brushing the base coat. Josh cleaning up my mistakes and adding some detail. And Ed finishing the detail and working on the trophy pieces. That army is still down at that hobby shop. It's an undead army of skeletons on the bottom shelf of a display counter by one of the cash registers. I won't give anymore detail because Ed was supposed to have painted it all. ;)

As good a painter as Josh was, he had one issue that was really hard for him. He had a hard time understanding when to stop. Knowing when a mini was finished. Ed and i tried to explain to him that there would always be something that needed to be fixed or a detail missed, but at a certain point you had to let go or face ruining all the other things you had done right on the mini. Josh had a hard time accepting this though. And because of this, he did not finish nearly as many miniatures as most people would in the amount of time he painted.

And so i come to a point.

If you are somebody who is lucky enough to have a finished miniature that Josh painted, hang on to it/them. It is a rarity. And it was painted by someone who was truly good at it.

Love you Josh...

A Birthday Present From Josh

Josh was an avid miniatures painter and collector the last decade of his life. He had many painting sessions with his friends but he often liked to work alone. I think he found it very relaxing. I was amazed at the level of skill he achieved and how far he pushed himself to improve his art.

Josh was a not just my friend but he was a friend to my whole family. He often came to my niece’s birthday parties over the years and one time he brought two Egyptian figures he’d painted as a gift. While I was over at my Sister’s house today, I found both figures on a shelf in my niece’s room. I picked them up and noticed how lovingly detailed they were and I thought: “here’s a real piece of Josh’s spirit.”

My photos don’t do justice to how well the figures were painted but you can get the idea. Notice how Josh attached each miniature to matching bases. It’s interesting that Josh chose Anubis and Bast. He loved cats and dogs so it makes perfect sense.




-Swinebread

Images from True History of Coca Cola in Mexico

The True History of Coca Cola in Mexico was one of my favorite shows that Josh performed in. I went and saw it four times at the Miracle Theater. Never was there a better laugh riot to grace a Portland stage IMHO. I sure hope somebody recorded one of the performances. Both Josh and Rafael were fantastic and very, very funny. At Josh's remembrance ceremony I said, when speaking about this show, "You haven't seen theater until you've seen Joshua Westhaver as Hitler." I should have also said seeing Josh in a dress too.






-Swinebread

With the weather in PDX so crumby, I've been wondering what Josh would be up to...

I picture him holed at home with his folks. Watching TV with his dad. Having meals with his folks around the table. And in the evenings staying up way too late. Either organizing his room or painting miniatures. And all the while giving the kitties occasional pets.

I could be wrong. This is just some of the things Josh told me he did when he was at home.

I still like to think of him doing those things though.

I hope we all can have at least a little bit of a Merry Christmas. Josh would want us to...

Josh's Memorial Video Now On Youtube

Thanks to Pigletinjuly for uploading





-Swinebread

More Shots of Josh at University of Portland

First things first, if you have not seen the video from Josh's memorial please click here

Now to continue with our regular post.
These pictures below originally came from Jeanne (thanks!). They show Josh during his first years at Universty of Portland.


Josh, Jeanne, and me backstage during Mother Courage.


Josh and Jeanne having fun backstage.



Jeanne, Josh, Me and Trish Egan during Mother Courage and her Children.

Josh and Wes backstage

Josh and Andrew in the scene shop. You can also see David poking his head in from the main stage area.



-Swinebread

Video from Josh's Memorial

Hi all;

I have uploaded one of the videos from Josh's memorial. (at least I hope it worked okay)

As you'd expect, it is both wonderful and very difficult to watch.

To those in the NW storm area - be safe out there!

Allison

Wes-

I have joined the phenomenon that is facebook. You can catch me there.

I always loved this picture. The three Js (Jeff, Jim and Josh) They all look so serious and intense, but they are watching a baseball game in the middle of a performance of "Mother Courage and her Children" The beautiful amber fill light is the television. Even though I got the chance to see Josh 2 years ago, I will always remember him like this. My Robert Downey Jr look-a-like friend.

-Jeanne

Bug Huntin'

I had a memory today of Josh taking our cat Bubba "Bug Huntin'" Bubba was very fond of capturing flies and moths and whatnot, but sadly they always seemed to be near the ceiling, while he... was not. So Josh, kitty lover that he was, would take Bubba Bug Huntin'. This involved Josh balancing Bubba in his hands as Bubba stood on his back legs. And then sloooowly walking all around the kitchen. Josh was patient, and would let Bubba hunt flies for long periods of time.

Sorta random, but since I have photos, I thought I'd share.

PS - You know, he had that had a very, very long time.

Thoughts and Musings....

Hello all...let me introduce myself; I'm one of Swinebread's siblings and have known Josh since his UP days. I too miss him crazy alot... I plan on doing a longer post of remembrance, but thought I'd do a shout out for info on Josh's favorite charities. I believe there is a memorial fund in the works? Perhaps family & friends can contact Swinebread, and he can put the info in the sidebar to make it easy for anyone to donate to his fund, or directly to one of his fav charities in Josh's name.

I recall hearing at the Gerding Theatre Remembrance that Josh had worked for VBC (Village Building Convergence), an event created by The City Repair Project, perhaps that could be one added to the list?

Thanks again to all who spoke at his Remembrance event, I loved hearing all the stories, knowing I'm not the only one who can't imagine a world without him in it still.

Some Photos from Josh's Slideshow

These are some of the images I submitted to remember Josh.


Here is part of the cast of from the 5th of July which we did at U of P. The play takes place in 1977 so we had to get our hair cut and styled accordingly. This snapshot was taken right after the haircut session. The thing we are all touching in the middle is a ball of our our cut off hair.

Another shot of Josh after he got his 5th of July haircut. I believe that this is from 1993.


Josh liked to wear all sorts of funny hats and here he is in October 1996 sporting a Cat in the Hat.

Here is Josh as Eilif in Mother Courage From I think 1992. Mother courage was played by Trish Egan. I played his brother Swiss Cheese.

Josh played the main character (middle) in the Actor's Nightmare. One of the most fun an creative shows I was in with Josh while at University of Portland.


Overdroid wrote and directed a fun little superhero show called The Adventures of Amyman and the Amazing Men in 1992 for his senior project. Josh played Gilbert, the lone sidekick for all three heroes. This was a really hilarious show and Josh put Amyman on his acting resume for years. I have video of this someplace and will eventually post it.




-Swinebread

Thanks

I also wanted to thank everyone who made last night possible. (Thanks for beating me to it Swine...)

But i really wanted to thank everyone who was willing to get up and speak about Josh last night. It really helped to see Josh through the words of so many people who really loved him. It also was good to see how we all knew the same man and how he was the same person with each and every one of us. I felt a lot better than i have after listening to all those wonderful memories.

And to those who were unable to speak about Josh, thank you for being there. I know it's hard to speak in any situation. Infinitely so in a situation like that.

Thank you to everyone who participated last night.

It was a very wonderful and moving remembrance for Josh last night. I'm in such a sad place right now so it is hard for me to write anything coherent, but I did want to thank all the folks that worked on putting the event together. It meant everything to have it at such a wonderful theater with such wonderful people.

There was an amazing slideshow with pictures from different periods in Josh's life. That show was run to the tunes of Moxy Fruvous. I took a lot of comfort from this because I was the one the introduced Josh to this band. If Josh ever had a soundtrack to his life than Moxie's Music was it.

Here's a video of one of the songs we heard while remembering what a great man Josh was:



-Swinebread

It’s a cold day but the sun is shining and soon I will be heading downtown to bid my friend Josh farewell along with his friends and family.

My heart aches with overwhelming sorrow…

One of the most beautiful people I have ever had the privilege of knowing is really gone and there is nothing I can do but morn him and honor him with everyone that loved him so much.

Good Bye Josh




-Swinebread

I don't know where to start...

I've spent a lot of time pondering how to even start, what possible story I could tell. But really, I can only start at the start. So at least for now, I'll tell you when it was that I knew that I loved him. I met him doing a show at Tygres Heart Shakespeare. The play was Much Ado About Nothing. He was "Head Butler" and I was Ursula (?). Needless to say, we both had a lot of time on our hands. His job was to stand center stage in the back for nearly the whole show. I didn't know him at all, but whenever my character (also standing around a lot) landed upstage, I'd hear these completely ridiculous, absurdly funny comments coming out the side of his mouth. Made me smile ear to ear.

In recent years, Josh had shorter hair. But when it was long, he had the most beautiful hair I've ever seen, man or woman. I noticed that immediately, I'm sure most of you knew that too. Because of the show, he was told he had to cut it - not just a little, but from the middle of his back to about an inch above his ears. Our hair/makeup designer took him back to the prop area, and we all knew it was "The Day." Most everyone was on stage, but I was free. And so it was that I sat backstage with him, holding his hand, and I cried as they cut his hair. He was very brave about it (all for the sake of ART), but I knew it was so hard for him. And at that moment, I knew absolutely that I would love him forever, in whatever way that meant.

I still can't explain what it was about that haircut.

My friend Josh who was a part of my family

This is a picture of Josh with me, friends, and family at my cousin Ryan's wedding. When I say friends and family the words are interchangeable really. My friends are my family. And Josh was family.

Josh had a way of touching everyone. People he had only met a few times - or even once in some cases - have been devastated by the loss of this wonderful man. Jennifer (the little brunette third from left in the front) met Josh only on this day. And, like all of us, fell in love with who he was. My mother only spent time with Josh on 3 or 4 occasions in the 10 short years that he was my friend and thought he was a quirky, beautiful person. Both of these people were grief stricken and cried when they found out that Josh had passed away.

That was the kind of person that Josh was. A person that you loved from the first time you met him. I think that speaks volumes about what a genuinely good man he was. His immediate family - and us, his extended family - have a lot to be proud of when it comes to Josh.

I know that what I've written above only covers the tiniest fraction of what Josh meant to us all. And in the coming days I intend to write more about my brief time with Josh. But, for now, this is all I can manage.

I love you, Josh. And I really don't like the world much now that you're not in it.

The world, the Portland theatre community, many people I care about, and I lost a singularly wonderful person from our lives yesterday. Joshua was a smart, caring guy who truly invested himself in the work he did and the things he believed, and he deserved nothing but the absolute best the universe could muster for him. That, unfortunately, was not what he was given in the last, shitty hand dealt to him. There are reams of people who were far, far closer to the man than I was, and my heart goes out to them and especially to his family in this time of shock and sadness.

I was about to write that it was impossible to not be happy to see Josh, but that's not quite right. It wasn't possible to not be happy about things in general when you saw Josh. For my part, I could be having a ridiculously bad day, and could indeed be immersing myself in the ridiculousness of my bad day by venting about it to him in some histrionic manner, but even that was always laced with a certain unexplainable joy of commiserating with him. I'd be happy to have had a crappy day, essentially, because Josh turned complaining about it into such a joy.

None of that really covers it. As an example of what I'm trying to get at: on the last day Josh was really with us, I regret to say that I didn't see him - but I heard what I've overheard lovingly described in recent days as "that ridiculous laugh" elsewhere in the building, and even just that cracked me up and kind of made my day. Even before everything that happened in just the hours after, and somehow even despite that, too. I wish it could cover the next many, difficult days as well.

[crossposted]

I was not a close friend of Josh . . . I've only ever been in his presence perhaps 3 or 4 times. But, in those few times, I feel like I've known him forever. And, now, I know that I will miss him forever.

I cannot be there for his memorial . . . wish that I could. But, I hope that those that do make it, celebrate his wonderful life . . . celebrate the incredible human being that he was . . . celebrate that we all for a brief moment were able to share just a spark of what he was. And, take that spark with you.

All of us should be so lucky to be warm, and sweet, and kind, and giving, and talented as "our Josh". I would love to have just a spark of what he was.

Heather Walker - Wisconsin

I found this image on Brian's (Josh's brother) facebook page.

What I love about this picture is that it really shows Josh's goodness and kindness while also conveying how happy he was to be an uncle again. This is a picture of Brian and Erin's new baby, Tate, born just a few months ago.

I've been keeping my mind busy and not allowing myself to cry too much but when I saw this image of Josh this morning it was just too much and I broke down. I think there are a two reasons.

A black and white version of this amazing photo had been lovingly placed in Josh's ICU room by his family. I really appreciated that it was there as I visited his bedside late in the evening and none of his family members were there at that time. It spoke volumes about how much he is loved and why we care about him so much. Having that picture present got me through seeing him in the state he was in.

The other reason I broke down is that, like Brian, my wife recently had a baby. Josh never got the chance to see my son and now my little one will never know him the way we all did.

Remembrance for Josh this coming Monday the 15th

Here's a comment from Josh's brother on a post about Josh from my other blog

This is Josh's brother. I wanted to thank you for your kind words. I know how special Josh was to me and it's obvious that he touched the lives of many.


I'm trying to get word out that there will be a remembrance for Josh this coming Monday the 15th, 5:00pm at Portland Center Stage's Gerding theater. Please come if you would like and pass along to anyone who knew him.

Thank you
Brian

Swinebread's Birthday Party 2005

Here are a few pictures of Josh from that party. Click on the picture to get a full-size view.

Our Friend Josh...

I’m starting a blog about Joshua Westhaver because our dear friend passed away on December 11th 2008 and I wanted to create a place where people could go and share memories about him. He was much loved by many different groups of people and I think collecting all the stories and feelings about Josh in one place on the net would a wonderful tribute to a great guy.

I want this blog to be a living document in that many people add to it as time goes by. Everything from a quick thought to a long rambling story is welcome here. Also, pictures, video and even artwork would be great to. I really want to help Josh’s memory live on and learn even more about him from his friends and family.

I will be asking folks to join this blog in the coming days. If I don’t know you and you’d like join please leave your email in the comments section (which I’ll delete) and I’ll invite to join the blog. (Note you have to create a blogger account). If you don’t want to join but do want to leave a story about Josh you can post your thoughts in the comments section and I’ll repost them in the blog proper.

Let’s share our memories of Josh together for all.



I’ll be making this blog more presentable in the future as time comes available.





-Swinebread