I’ve been trying to write something eloquent about Josh and the New Year for a couple days but it just hasn’t been in me. All I know is that I miss him terribly and I’m not really sure I can express it in a written organized fashion. I’m much better with the image, both still and moving, rather than prose. That’s why I updated the header with pictures of Josh instead.
I don’t have a lot of memories of Josh around the Holidays because, I assume, that he was spending his time with his family, as it should be. I do recall one occasion though on December 31st 1999. My whole family had gone out of town for the New Year’s holiday but I chose to stay behind. Josh rang me up and invited me to hang out with him. He was heading out to McMinnville to lend moral support to the Hollywood Lights folks that had to work New Year’s at Spirit Mountain Casino.
We didn’t really do much of anything but watch Mark play video games, make fun of the lame news broadcasts from around the world, and walk around the nearly abandoned streets at midnight. It’s funny because there was no big party and yet… I have so very clear memories of that night and morning… because I was with Josh.
I was somewhat overwhelmed by the coming of the year 2000 because I hadn’t really thought about my life beyond the 20th Century. The time period beyond the year 2000 was the future and that was it. Now I find that I’m having that same feelings again but with extreme sadness and loss rather than wonderment. I’m approaching middle age and I realize that if I’m blessed with any sort of longish life I’ll have decades without Josh. I try not to dwell on things like this too much but on New Year’s Day it’s hard not to.
I was honored to call Josh my friend for nineteen years and I started this blog so that I could still make wonderful discoveries about him despite the fact that he's gone for all the New Year's to come.
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First of buddy, you gotta take your own direction here. :) It isn't about being eloquent, it's about remembering Josh. And no post is too big or too small.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, i love the banner. I noticed it straight away.
I had almost forgotten about you two showing up at that gig. Was i playing games at the hotel or at the casino? I'm guessing it would have been at the hotel while i had some downtime before the out. I remember there was some fall out for you guys because you brought some holiday cheer in the form of confetti. Hehe.
You were playing games at the Hotel.
ReplyDeletehehe I had forgotten about the confetti part.
That's what I love about this blog, it helps build a more complete picture of Josh by sharing then just trying to do it on your own.
On the issue of eloquence, this is something I had posted on my own blog about the memorial service. And it probably could sound better but I am not going to tinker with it just to keep the point:
ReplyDeleteI went with one friend to talk to Josh’s mother and brother, and I thought we were doing okay, but then we walked off she fell apart a little, and said “I don’t know what to say”. What I realized right then was that it was okay if the words weren’t right, because we all know. Everyone there knew that there is a hole in the world that is the size and shape of Joshua, and that we are grieving for that, and we are doing that together. Anyway, I felt understood. And stupid, a little, because I had shared a story earlier, and I didn’t feel like what I said was quite right or quite what I wanted to say, but it was enough.
spork, I hope you come back and share more of your stories of Josh
ReplyDeleteIf you have an email address post it and I'll send you and invite to this blog
then I delete the post with your email for privacy.
Hang in there H. I know that you and Josh's family have felt the greatest loss with his passing.
ReplyDeleteIt was so strange, I was at work and a coworker that looks NOTHING like Josh (except he has dark eyes and his hair is the length Josh had at UP) brushed his hair out of his eyes and I had to leave to the ladies and sob. I had a flashback of being back at school in the theatre lobby doing absolutely nothing but having a great time because Josh was there, doing his Steve Martin and laughing at himself and brushing his hair out of his face. I so regret loosing touch. I so regret loosing him. I am also so thankful that I was lucky enough to have him in my life.
Ok i got one, slightly embarassing on my part, but . . the filter was off in Josh's case. . . i was with my parents in College.. walking in front of the Hunt center. . . . Josh was running by . .across the little quad. . now mind you at this time. I was a big time closet smoker, did NOT smoke around family or friends who knew my family .. like they didn't figure it out? BUT hey .i was embarssed, and Josh ran by screaming as loud as he could? Dave,. . . YOU GOT ANY SMOKES ON YOU???? I turned beet red instantly .i dont' know if my parents paid it any mind. . but I just remember his wild abandon, backstage with him, his goofiness, and anytime I was around him . he was a total Joy. . and all those drama guys were, actually, I am still to this day, one of his biggest fans!
ReplyDeleteDave