Josh and Mark come to Yakima.

I was looking on an old hard drive when I came across these pictures. It was about 4 years ago, Mark and Josh made a road trip up to Yakima to visit. We had a lot of fun that weekend, just look at Mark's face, that says it all.

If my memory were better

I met Josh on my first day at Hollywood Lights in Portland. I remember the stacks of Mountain Dew boxes in his office. Looking over the boxes in awe, I said, "You must love drinking fresh-brewed black tea." Josh laughed. I'll never forget the way his laugh sounded; it was happiness within happiness.

Josh was a wonderful friend. There are things I look back on knowing for certain that I'll never do them again, and there are others I hope to do frequently. An example of the former: as a thank-you for the dozens of times Josh provided me with a place to sleep in Portland (so far), I made Steak Au Poivre, hand-cut, and all the trimmings-- complete with a nice bottle of red wine-- all bought with rebates from a "Kenny van" filled to capacity with empty Mountain Dew cans. Nickels have never been tastier. An example of the latter: one of Josh's favorite places we went was Mount Rainier. We drove the entire road from north to south in one day. Whenever I think of Rainier, I think of my friend.

We talked often about the "Big Bloom", a period of time in May when the wildflowers at Hurricane Ridge on the Olympic Peninsula are particularly ablaze. When we hiked to the top of Hurricane Hill, Josh laughed heartily, took a drag from his inhaler, and ate a bagel-- the smile never left his face.

I last saw Josh in Portland last summer. I was in Portland for a TV show, and I called Josh to see what he was up to. The crew for our show had all moved away, so Josh helped out with the shoot and spent some time on camera as well. I introduced him to my daughter, who predictably took to him. Since we were covering the Brewfest, we had quite a few tokens to go around. Josh and I used them all. I am glad to remember the last day we had together was a full day running through the park and joking with one another.

That brings me to his acting. I don't think I've ever regarded another actor's talent so highly. Josh was the definition of inviting gravitas on stage.

The wound left by his departure is deep and profound for both me and my wife. I still have the urge to call him and tell him how sorry I am that this happened to him; so much so that I have forced myself to erase his name from my address book. I look at pictures from Christmas, and I realize that he was already gone when they were taken. It casts a pall on everything I have done since December, and adds an even greater pain to being so far away from every person I care about the most.

My only hope is that I can find a fraction of Josh's emotional grace to help me when all this denial goes away. I miss Josh. I miss the conversations. I miss his company in Seattle. I miss his home in Portland. I miss the magic card marathons that were bathed in cigarette smoke and whiskey where he would talk ominously about Mark's "Black Deck". I miss the impromptu trips up the gorge. More than anything, I miss his presence in my life; I'd be severely tasked to ever find a better man as long as I live.

The Ultimate Magic Hour Shot

I've only known about Josh for a week.  Everything I've written so far has read back as trivial to me.  While I try to write something more coherent, I'll post my favorite photograph Josh took.  We were on one of our many trips, and the lighting was perfect.  Josh called it his "Ultimate Magic Hour" shot.

I miss my friend horribly.

Talented, Giving, and oh so much fun!

My 2 favorite shows I was in with Josh: Actors Nightmare and 5th of July. Josh was always a joy to work with. He was also my partner for the Irene Ryans. He was just a fun and funny person and it was a joy to be on stage with that kind of energy.

Reunion

This was one of my favorite days. A reunion after our friend got back from his service in the Army. Remember how he disappeared one day after cutting his hair? Josh was as happy to have him home( as were all of us).

I have some more pictures from our college days I am going to upload. (I am a bit tech challenged so hopefully this works.)

The Snow

After Josh died a snowstorm descended.

The bitter, cold weather seemed to manifest how trapped and lonely I felt.

It hurt to go outside… it hurt to stay indoors.

A month later all the snow is gone except a miniature glacier that rapidly dissolves in the march to spring.

The shock of my best friend’s absence fades like that patch of ice.

But the cold remains

Jen has uploaded all the photos from Josh's memorial service to a picasa album.

Please go and Check them out here

Thanks Jen and thanks to all who submitted photos in memory of Josh.

Jen also would like to add more Photos too.


-Swinebread

A month without Josh and counting...

I think of him every day. Which is odd, because when he was here i didn't do that.

Miss you Josh.

Mr. Snazzy Pants

Okay, so this photo is the mid-90's. I think this was maybe even before the famous hat came into our house... Brian and Josh and I were down in the basement of our little apartment. They had just wrestled their Grandmother Maxine's (at least I think it was hers) desk downstairs. It was like our first piece of real furniture! It was beautiful and Josh and I loved having it there. (and if my memory is wrong, pleeeeze correct me Brian or Alan!)

Anyway, the other point is - the pants. He and I could basically share a wardrobe - though I think he wore smaller jeans than me. But these two outfits we are wearing, well, they were interchangeable. Sometimes I wore the white pants, he wore the blue ones, or I'd grab the black turtleneck. We went to a Halloween party once dressed/acting as each other - if anyone has photos from that I'd LOVE to see them. It was absolutely hysterical.

So here we are - Mr. and Mrs. (or soon-to-be Mr. and Mrs.) Snazzy Pants!

Reliably Funny and Friendly

I met Josh in 1998 when I started working at Hollywood Lights. The thing that I always loved about Josh is it didn't matter how long it had been since you had seen him, it was like no time passed at all. He was reliably funny and friendly and I was always sad when we had to part company again. 

The last time I saw Josh was at my Wedding. We played a great game of frisbee before the ceremony. Candice and I were grateful he was there for our wedding day. 

I have great memories of Josh that will always stay with me. I'm a better person because he was in my life. The world has lost a great man, he will be missed greatly.

How Josh and I Met and Became Friends - or - "Poker Face, Josh"

I started working at Hollywood Lights around March or April of '98. I was brought on to help get ready for their 50th anniversary. I wouldn't actually meet or get to know Josh for another 2 or 3 months after starting there. It seems odd that it took that long given what i know of Josh from the past 10 1/2 years. I'm guessing it's just because there was the 50th stuff happening, and I'm guessing around that time there was probably also inventory going on.

When we did finally meet i think it was sometime around the end of May or beginning of June that year. My cousin Ryan and I were into playing Magic: The Gathering and he was working at Hollywood then too. During lunches we started playing games in the break room. One of our coworkers took note of this. I don't remember who exactly. At any rate they introduced me to Josh and told him i played Magic. Josh also played Magic and suggested we get together sometime and play.

Sometime shortly there after we did. I don't really remember much about those first games. But I do remember that he had been out of the game for a while, that i had been playing a lot, and that i trounced him a bit in the beginning. I also remember that when he happened to draw a card he needed his face would light up. Since we shared our decks with one another i usually knew what he had drawn when i saw his face light up and would say something like, "Pulled that Serra Angel you needed, huh?" He would smile and then feign ignorance and say something like, "Whatever do you mean?" This evolved to "Nice poker face, Josh." And eventually, "Poker face, Josh." His response then being to laugh or smile.

This went on all summer. This was because I kind of took advantage of Josh and because he was a sweet heart of a man. You see, my crappy little truck had only one working door and only one of the windows rolled down about an inch or two. So driving home at rush hour in summer heat was brutal. Most every work day that summer i went to Josh's after work and we played Magic or hung out until sundown, and then i would drive home.

I think this one of the main reasons that Josh became so important to me. We both knew i was taking advantage of the situation, but Josh knew that i needed a refuge until the sun went down, and most of that summer was willing to let his home be that place.

A Josh Self-portrait

Back when Josh and I were in college together we played a lot of roleplaying games. For one campaign the GM actually had us playing ourselves rather than the usual fictional characters. Both Josh and I liked to draw various subjects from our gaming adventures and so on one occasion Josh decided to sketch himself. While going through some old papers I found this drawing from 1992.

You'll note that Josh decided to put a frame around himself. He is wearing his tree frog T-shirt that he owned at that time and he also has knee pads on just in case he got into a fight with the bad guys. It's funny how he looks so serious here when my memories of Josh are mostly of him smiling or laughing.


-Swinebread

I met Allison today and we went through some photos. I had time to scan a few of them in.

This great one is aPolaroid of Josh with his brother Brian (left). I think this is from about 1991.

Please correct me if I'm wrong about the year.

Time Well Spent

I’ve been trying to write something eloquent about Josh and the New Year for a couple days but it just hasn’t been in me. All I know is that I miss him terribly and I’m not really sure I can express it in a written organized fashion. I’m much better with the image, both still and moving, rather than prose. That’s why I updated the header with pictures of Josh instead.

I don’t have a lot of memories of Josh around the Holidays because, I assume, that he was spending his time with his family, as it should be. I do recall one occasion though on December 31st 1999. My whole family had gone out of town for the New Year’s holiday but I chose to stay behind. Josh rang me up and invited me to hang out with him. He was heading out to McMinnville to lend moral support to the Hollywood Lights folks that had to work New Year’s at Spirit Mountain Casino.

We didn’t really do much of anything but watch Mark play video games, make fun of the lame news broadcasts from around the world, and walk around the nearly abandoned streets at midnight. It’s funny because there was no big party and yet… I have so very clear memories of that night and morning… because I was with Josh.

I was somewhat overwhelmed by the coming of the year 2000 because I hadn’t really thought about my life beyond the 20th Century. The time period beyond the year 2000 was the future and that was it. Now I find that I’m having that same feelings again but with extreme sadness and loss rather than wonderment. I’m approaching middle age and I realize that if I’m blessed with any sort of longish life I’ll have decades without Josh. I try not to dwell on things like this too much but on New Year’s Day it’s hard not to.

I was honored to call Josh my friend for nineteen years and I started this blog so that I could still make wonderful discoveries about him despite the fact that he's gone for all the New Year's to come.