sitting at the table i thought josh would have liked this. actors, tech folk, directors, from so many different places in portland, sitting together and gabbing. remembering shows with old old friends, and some folks meeting each other for the first time. josh would have liked that. our smiling and being together.
god i'm sad. and somehow 'glad' to know others are too. not glad for the sadness or for his loss, but that there's a place to say so. and by saying so just try to mean, to say, how much he meant to me. i'm still not sure how to go on without him. and yet i'm certain he would say that i absolutely can figure out how to go on without him here. because he's nearby, somehow. just not 'here' here.
mysterious. and fragile. this way of tuning in and feeling his presence.
i am grateful for all the loving smiling and honest sadness in that room tonight.
blessed be.
I'm glad you were able to share that eperience with so many who knew Josh. I've been feeling trapped at my new job as far my grief for Josh goes. No one there knew him or how much he impacted my life. All they know is the last couple of days i've been a lot more quiet.
ReplyDeleteI guess i'm saying i'm jealous of your experience. :)
Thanks for sharing this...good to know the folks in industry where Josh spent the majority of his life were able to toast him. I think he would have really liked it. I'll remember to toast him at our family's gathering as well!
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to hear about Josh's friends getting together to remember him. It sounds like the kind of gathering he would have enjoyed so much. I'm also glad of everyone who posted for December...every month with Josh in it is a good month as far as I'm concerned.
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