Finally, after almost seven months, I feel as if I can write. Thus far I've been observing from afar - not wanting Josh's death to be real, but knowing full well that it is. Football season finished up, baseball season started, and no Josh was there for me to talk sports with. No Josh was there for me to pester to come play poker. No Josh would be there again to laugh and smile the way I so cherish.
In the hospital, I work with my share of the dying. I see the families and friends gather around, saying phrases that seem comforting, but that have little reality. Many people live in denial. Up until now, I have been one of them.
Then came the dream. . .
I was in some type of living room with Josh. We were laughing, having fun, doing the silly things that I much remember doing with him when just hanging out. Another person entered the room, and as I talked with the person, I realized that even though he was still smiling, Josh had quit speaking. The person who had entered the room didn't even to seem to notice Josh. I engaged the new visitor for a while and then it hit me. Looking directly at Josh I said, "He can't see you can he?" To which Josh simply shook his head no. I don't remember what happened next, but eventually as I started to rouse from my sleep, the dream fading, I distinctly remember thinking, "I'll come back here again, because it's someplace where Josh is truly happy."
I've been to that room another time or two in my sleep since then. Josh remains his jovial self, unfazed by death. For that I am glad.
Josh, I miss you buddy.
Wes
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Wes, I'm really glad you posted this. I dreamed of Josh recently too, and I wasn't going to post, because it never really happened, but maybe I will.
ReplyDeletei've dreamed of him too, wes. thank you.
ReplyDeleteI've dreamed of Josh a lot since December. But in the past couple of months I've had the same sort of dream.
ReplyDeleteThe first was a dream where Josh entered into a room with out prior notice he would be there. And i would flip out because i thought he was dead. He would just explain it was all just some big misunderstanding.
The second was a dream where Josh and i were having fun and messing around. Then i realize he's dead and i call him on it. He just got that big goofy Josh grin and said something like "But that doesn't mean i can't come and hang out."
It's hard waking up from those dreams. But really good to see him again...
Yeah, it's just like that. In my dream, I was walking away from our old high school, and there's a road that goes behind the athletic field. As I came to it, Josh was sitting on a stump at the end of it. I did a double take, like maybe I was wrong about him being gone, and it wasn't that. Then I thought maybe he didn't know, but he did know and he was okay with it. So since he was there, we just talked about trivial things.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this...although I haven't had dreams of Josh, it's certainly comforting to hear other's visits with him in their dreamtimes.
ReplyDeleteIt's just like Josh to show his kindness to his friends even when he's gone and we are all missing him so much.
I dream of him all the time...
ReplyDeleteWes, I'm Sorry I haven't responded my old email has gone down and I don't have your contact info anymore... ( didn't print it out... yes I'm stupid)
please give a me call